Valentines

Listen to: Live from the Hovel on the hill, No.20

(apostrophes and quotes removed on purpose, ...its complicated....)

Valentines Day

Here it comes. The day of hearts and flowers, the day of hundreds of tiny scrawled out cards, the day on which 17 tiny bags of candy hearts come home to attack our teeth. Cupid is leading the charge, bow drawn and ready to shoot deep into my wallet. The grocery stores have filled up with pink hearts and sappy cards. However, hiding just underneath it all, are pink, green and blue foil wrapped chocolate eggs. Unless Cupid is really careful, he may hit the Easter bunny. Its all part of the endless circle of holidays.
As far as cost goes, Valentines day is pretty minor, even with spending 4 dollars for a card (four dollars?). I can judge the expense of a holiday by how many boxes we have stored for it in the basement.
Fourth of July, one small box. - Hot dogs and fire works, no big deal on cost here.
Easter, one big box. - Three Easter baskets to be filled. Possible presents. (who authorized the Easter bunny to go around giving people presents?)
Hallowen, two big boxes. - Some dry ice, many bags of candy, lots of soda and wine, snacks and possibly some extra costume parts. Substantial, but hardly devastating.
Christmas 6 big boxes - The Daddy Warbucks of holidays. If I can afford Christmas, I am probably asleep and dreaming.
I think we all have our own reasons for celebrating Valentines day. Some see it as a re-affirmation of a long love, some hope for the promise of new love, some, like my youngest, are hoping for larger bags of candy hearts this year. But who was Valentine, and how did all this card passing start? I actually did some research and one story is that Valentine was a roman priest, in the time of Emperor Claudius. Claudius felt that army enrollment was down due to all the young men getting married. Being the emperor, he abolished marriage and waited for the volunteerism to pickup again. Unfortunately, a few priests like Valentine went about marrying people anyway. Needles to say, Claudius decreed that 10 or so of his centurions would help Valentine find the jail. After receiving a merciful sentence of death by clubbing, Valentine wrote a note to a girl he liked, signing it from your Valentine. We all found that so touching we have been signing notes to our loved ones that way ever since.

The other story is that during this time in February, the people of Rome celebrated the festival of Lupercalia. It was basically a spring festival, a celebration of planting, new growth, fertility and general naughtiness. One of the features of the festival was to have all the eligible women in town put their names in a jar and the bachelors would pick them out. The new couple would then spend the next year together having sort of a learners permit marriage. Although a large percentage of these temporary unions would end in a real marriage, the Pope took a dim view of this practice. Once again by Roman decree, it was announced that, while there didnt have to be any actual clubbing this time(at least none was recorded), everyone was just going to send cards instead. To provide an excellent example to all, the church produced the story of Saint Valentine, who died right after writing the first valentine card, in a romantic (although painful) way, totally bereft of any naughtiness.
To me as a parent, Valentines Day means I need a class list, because no one in my eight year old’s class can be missed. Even if one of his classmates is beating the tar out of him every day at recess, the psychological blow from not getting a paper-tag valentine with Scooby Doo on it, could result in a life misspent or prison. When I was in school, in some grades later than third, I remember Valentines day being a very nervous time, fraught with the danger of getting your valentine rejected, or not getting any Valentines at all. Consequently, I highly approve of everyone getting and giving valentines, even if prison time is indicated.
Once I get the list, then comes the big choice; does he write the cards or do I? Meaning, does it take three days or 10 minutes. I think he should do the cards and bag the candy. So, we will sit for hours at a kitchen table that is littered with little square Valentines, small individual bags and one greedy dogs tongue(fishing for a possible lost Necco heart or Hersey kiss), while I encourage him not to eat all the candy himself. I will also create a few valentines for my sons and they will make some for me(Probably right after they wake up and see theirs, tommorow morning).



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